*I started this blog post in April of 2018, boy how things have changed*
I'm almost done with my first year teaching. All of the insecurities I had when I started are still there but my confidence has grown. I remember how much doubt I had when I first started. I'm astonished how far the Lord has brought me out of that doubt. This year has been a wild ride to say the least. I can't believe it's almost over. What a journey I have been on. God is equipping me every step of the way also. He shows me each day that I am His. He is mine. *Finishing the post here* Looking back at the past few years as an educator, I have seen so many things. I have heard so many things. I have done so many things, some wrong and some innovative. Being an educator is so tough right now. There is a lot of tension among staff and students. COVID has been a driving force for fear in our lives at school. Honestly, it sucks. I can't teach the way I want to teach. I can't give students a high five. I can't smile. There are many things this school year, going into my fourth *WOW* that I just cannot do. It is very frustrating. It is disheartening and sucky. I have no other words for it than that. I have really been struggling this year to find a balance in my home life and work life. Often I find myself wanting to quit. Teaching is hard, and when you have to do it online and in-person at the same time, it sucks. BUT! I know it will get better. That's a huge thing I have been focusing on. Everything around us will get better. Sometimes we have to endure the hardest of hardships in order to get to the other side. It is the other side that we long for, and I think we need to start being present in the here and now, and all of it's suck-ness. All of the bad. Because there is joy every morning, even in the midst of pain. So, right now - I am thanking the Lord for breath in my lungs and a new heart every single day for my students because they need me. Even when I can't physically be there for them, I need to be there for them. It's so important. Okay, let's end this here while I am uplifted and feeling joy. Thanks God. Let's all be real, COVID has changed so much but I am choosing joy. I hope you do the same. One day we will all look back on these moments and it will be a faded memory.
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