I've never seen a couple resolve a fight in my life. I've watched couple after couple be passive with each other and never resolve their issues. Maybe it's a Minnesota thing or maybe I'm just super intrusive in people's lives but I don't know if I've seen conflict resolved very well in my life. My relationship with Jason has taught me so much about how to properly resolve conflict. We've promised each other never to be passive or hold grudges and it's really beautifully frustrating. Why is it frustrating, you ask? Well, because we get frustrated with each other at times but how we resolve it is rather beautiful. I think conflict is good and healthy. How you solve it can either be beautiful or ugly. I never want to have an ugly fight with the one I love. I track that back to my relationship with God. Mostly because I get frustrated with God sometimes but I try not to let that frustration consume me. There are things that I don't like about where I am or what I'm doing and I ask God why they are happening. He knows though and yes, I'm frustrated with Him but I would never doubt Him. He knows all. He knows exactly what I need too and when and never gives me more than I can handle. It's refreshing being able to have a conflict with someone and resolve it. I think the world would be better if people were less passive with each other and more willing to resolve their conflicts.
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On Wednesdays I attend a woman's group called Sisterhood. We meet in a group of about eight women every Wednesday and this semester our focus was on The Journey. We've been talking a lot about the journeys we are in our lives and how each of them is meant for a purpose, even the extremely hard ones. Each journey is different but we all have them. Some are spiritual battles of inner struggle that we fight hard not to give to God. Other journeys are amazing and wonderful, providing hope when the world has none. I'm going on a journey right now actually. I didn't really realize I was on a journey or fighting a battle in my life until Sisterhood was over, sadly enough, but here I am going through a battle. It has been nearly seven months since my parents were officially divorced and it still feels so raw to me. That battle has been one of immense pain. I prayed for years for my parents to split up and now that it has happened I'm not rejoiceful for my answered prayer, I'm distraught. I can't imagine what my parents are going through right now. They are in so much pain and it's apparent every time I meet with them. I know God has a plan for this struggle and it's been shaping my testimony in more ways than I can count. There is hope at the end of this. I know it. Some that read this may be asking how I know there is hope after 27 years of a toxic marriage and 25 years of hearing argument after argument. I know there is hope for my parents because there was hope for me. When I was stuck in my ways and trying to find comfort in every single thing, except God, I was redeemed and forgiven. I fought through the battle and I'm not finished fighting through this one. God made me a fighter. He made me a warrior. I didn't know that, really. That I was a warrior or even imagined myself being a warrior until God spoke a word to me through some spiritually gifted women at Sisterhood. Our last Sisterhood meeting of the semester was last Wednesday. They set up a prayer tunnel for us and all the women were to walk through the tunnel to receive prayer from our table leaders. As I waited in line for the prayer tunnel, I didn't really know what to expect. I've always wanted someone to prophesy over my life but then I feel greedy or undeserving of it. I feel like because I want someone to give me a word or phrase or something from God so bad I feel like I don't deserve it or won't get it. So, I tried to humble myself before the Lord and allow Him to move in my heart. As I walked through the tunnel I rejoiced for I knew the Lord was good and faithful to me whether I received a word from Him in that tunnel or not. Well the women that prayed over me had something else in mind. God spoke to them and told them to tell me, "I am a warrior that is tougher and wears more leather than Wonder Woman and I have the ability and strength to fight any battle I'm facing." Another woman, whom I admire greatly, spoke another word to me of lightness. She said, "I am a flower that never wilts which represents my spirit and heart for God." WHAT?! Are you stinking kidding me. How can I be tougher than Wonder Woman God? How can I never wilt? As I neared the end of the prayer tunnel, God had one more thing for me, the phrase "You already know what to do." God believes in me. He says I am a warrior. He says that I am a flower that never wilts. He says that I am equipped to make decisions. How powerful is that? He knows who I am and it's nice to be reminded of that power I hold. When I trust Him nothing fails, even in this bitterness of divorce. There is a lot of pain in me that wants to escape every time I think of my parents but God has something else in mind for me. He instilled the ability to fight in me. I am a warrior for the Lord. How cool! I have the ability to fight these demons in me telling me that I am not good enough or that I will never have a happy marriage because my parents didn't. Those are just lies the devil tells me and they have no authority over me. For I am a daughter of the Most High King and yes life is difficult and challenging and stinks sometimes but I was meant to fight. I wasn't meant to sit back and let the devil control me. God has given each of us the power to fight, let's grab on to that power and be warriors together.
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