There will always be someone better, more equipped, more sufficient, more adequate.
These thoughts run through my head a lot. The feeling of inadequacy creeps in and tells us that we are not good enough. It tells us that we will never be enough, that others are constantly better. I've felt this ring in clear in my mind. I really have felt unqualified to do my jobs, whether that be to lead youth ministry or teach, I've found myself feeling inadequate in these areas. It's never an easy feeling. Inadequacy tells us that we are not equipped to do the work that God has called us to. If He has called us to it, how dare we say we are not good enough. God wants us to be present in the work that we do and He wants us to feel sufficient. Heck, we want to feel sufficient. It keeps us doing our jobs they way we were meant to. If we constantly feel like we are not good enough, what is the point of trying, really? It is not easy to put effort into things we feel we're lacking. So, God woke me up from that a little bit. I read my bible daily and that's been a huge triumph in my life the past two years. I didn't always read everyday and I'm proud of that accomplishment. But I've been struggling to absorb what I am reading in the Word. Sometimes I read and read and read the same passage and feel nothing. Everyday the same scripture and have no idea what I am reading or what to do with the information I've read. It has left me feeling inadequate in my faith. I do not understand the Word of God most of the time and it's left me lost and feeling like my faith isn't good enough. Like I will never be good enough. Yuck. That's really all I have to say to the feelings I've been feeling. Inadequacy is a trap. It's been trapping me for quite sometime and I've recognized that it's time for some change. The truth is there will always be someone "better" or more equipped. There will always be someone with more money. There will always be someone that succeeds more. BUT. Jesus calls the inadequate, which is who were are. When the disciples fed the 5000 in Mark 6, Jesus called them, even in their tiredness and where they felt like they were lacking. They didn't know it was possible to feed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish but they trusted Jesus. I think that is a beautiful thing. Jesus meets us in our inadequacies and says, "Yield your inadequacy to God so that He can do with it what He will." God will use our inadequacy. He wants to use the areas of our lives where we are lacking. It's a mystery to me that people survive at all without knowing that. God will meet us in our darkest moments of inadequacy and fill that with strength and purpose. It's hard, of course, to grab a hold of that because clearly we are lacking something. Jesus believes in us and Jesus strengthens us. He told the disciples to feed the 5000 because He believed they could do it. When Jesus could have simply snapped His fingers and had 5000 items of food appear for all of the people in the crowd, He called on His disciples instead, which is what we are. Jesus is calling on us in our tiredness, discomfort, and severe lacking of skills to step out in faith and trust that He will provide what we need where we are lacking. It's time to truly believe that we can do all things through Christ because it proves true time and time again. I never know exactly what I am doing but I want to yield my inadequacies to Him.
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Why HELLO THERE! If you're popping on here to read my blog, I salute you. It's been a rather scarce experience, as of the last few months. I'm going to be persistent in the next few weeks and try to muster some ideas and time to keep on writing. Writing is something I really love to do and there are things in the works for sure. I've been writing a lot lately but not for pleasure and I really don't like that. I started grad school classes in February and that has taken a majority of my time along with leading the youth ministry at our church. It's been a whirlwind for sure. My husband and I prayerfully considered our offer to lead youth ministry for weeks until coming to the decision to take the plunge and dive in head first. We are now the primary youth ministry leaders at our church, with little knowledge on what the crap we are doing but we trust God, He always knows what He is doing. We were both pretty reluctant to start leading youth ministry but God kept tugging on us and it became clear this is where we are meant to be. It's been a huge blessing this past month and a learning experience at that. I've been learning a lot lately and it's not always joyous. I'm learning to speak to youth about God and typically, as a 6th grade teacher, I've never been allowed to do that, so it's cool. It's rather exciting having an opportunity to speak about how God has shaped me and who God is in my life. I'm enjoying it to say the least. :) Also, grad school. OFTA! It is SO much hard work and late nights but by now I'm used to it and I've adapted quite well to sleeping less than 8 hours a night. Hey, I'm young and if I didn't do grad school now, I probably never would. It's pretty expensive which frustrates me but ehh sometimes you have to spend some money. Oh well. I'm learning so much about Education which is super rad. I love learning, as most teachers do. I think the best thing about teaching is that I'm constantly learning and it's fun to learn new things. Oh and my nephew was born in February! A month early at that! He is a treasure and it's super fun being an auntie (I've never been one before). New roles are always on the horizon. It's March and finally sunny in Minnesota. We've experienced some major flooding in my hometown and it will probably only get worse. If you would pray for the floods in the Midwest that would be helpful. The school I work at had three inches of water in the Kindergarten classrooms last week and it was rather frustrating. Life man. It's been so full lately! I'm grateful. Please check in soon if you're here now. I'm going to write more, I hope! :) Until then, here's my lil life update that's been the past few months or so. We're finally getting out of the darkest months of the year and entering into some light, so my attitude has shifted and I'm ready for positivity and growth that come with this new season.
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