It has been a challenging season of life for me. If you didn't know, I am pursuing my Masters in Teaching right now at St. Catherine University, and teaching full time, and running the student ministry at our church, and the list goes on. I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to care for myself. I've been eating crap and feeling like it too. Sometimes, really daily, I ask myself if this will all be worth it. I complain. I'm angry. And I cry an awful lot. It's so frustrating. Some of you know my story of why I'm doing this grad school thing in the first place, some don't, but I'll give ya a lil snapshot. Back in 2015, I left college and didn't student teach (my final semester) all because I failed a stupid test. Ridiculous, I know. So, I wasn't able to get my teaching license. Well, years later, I was offered a teaching position without it because my admin had faith in me, and still do. It's really admirable. I appreciate everything they have done for me. They have supported me through some incredibly difficult times in my life. They walked alongside me as my parents got divorced, and then a year later, when my grandfather died and my nephew's birth. It's been a few years of life and death, and it's been hard. But, God is faithful, and I've honestly been crying out to Him a lot lately. I know this post isn't super articulate or hopeful, but it's how I'm feeling. I'm frustrated, with only two weeks left of class. I sit here on a Sunday evening, wondering how I am going to get all of the things done that I need to. I'm trying to juggle too much like I often do. I've kind of always been that type of personality. If I am not super busy, I get lonely or bored. This way, I will always have something to do, but these 12 hour days every Saturday of doing homework are getting really old, and I'm super over it. Good thing I have two weeks of the semester left.
Praise the Lord for lights at the end of our dark tunnels. Our Pastor reminded me of that today. He spoke about Zechariah and how God knew Elizabeth would have a son named John, even though they were barren. God knew there would be hope for them. Even in the darkest of seasons, there will be a light somewhere. It might be years, and we have to be okay with that. For Zechariah and Elizabeth, it was 400 years of waiting, and trusting the Lord would provide for them, even in their disbelief. God knows what He is doing. I need to try that what He is doing will bring light because He is light, in Him, there is no darkness. Sometimes I am preaching to myself. Haha. I hope this rant finds you well amid darkness (it is winter after all). Cry out to the Lord for light.
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