The past couple of weeks have been challenging. I'm usually up for a challenge, but I've been feeling trapped in fear, anxiety, and disbelief. Currently, our nation and the world are experiencing a pandemic crisis. This crisis has instilled a lot of fear in me, that is honestly, so difficult for me to admit. I've been suffering from a lie the devil is telling me: I should be living in fear. A couple of weeks ago, I went to the grocery store and felt myself becoming more and more consumed with fear as I walked through the aisles. When I got home, I wept for a while and stated to my husband that I really hated every minute of that. Being around people no longer seems normal. It boiled up such anxiety in me that it had me weeping. It was a truly frustrating moment of insecurity and disbelief. I've been battling some of that as our state has been under stay-at-home orders. But nothing like this. I know I've written a couple of times on this blog about anxiety, and I always want to bring light to this topic. It is something that has challenged me for many years and tried so very hard to break me. Anxiety is pretty crippling, and it can force people to shut down. I don't want to shut down. I truly believe there is hope, even when we feel like we are being suffocated. Jesus Christ gives me that hope. In some of my darkest moments, trapped in my thoughts. Jesus is there. So, let me bring some light to this darkness.
After many years of feeling trapped in a place that I couldn't break free, I started to pray. To pray boldly for God to remove these anxieties in me. Philippians 4: 6-7 says, "...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." These verses are powerful because first, it says, DO NOT be anxious about anything BUT instead bring them to God in prayer. The word supplication means, the action of asking or begging for something earnestly and humbly. I think this is powerful because if we are feeling these crippling anxieties that many people in our world are, especially now, we can come to God and ask Him to remove them. I have to be honest, I haven't been reading my bible or praying as much as I should in the past few weeks. I do think that is why a lot of these anxieties have boiled up in me recently. Crummy. Crummy. Crummy. Since the grocery store encounter, I have been persistently asking for God to give me peace in this time of unknown. Everything seems so unknown right now. We don't know when or if things will go back to "normal." The unknowns right now are overwhelming, but I want to encourage you to pray. To pray boldly for an answer. To listen to what God says in Philippians. As we read on in Philippians 4:7, it says, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." So, if we come to God with thanksgiving and let our requests be made known to God, He will bring us peace. We need to focus on that in this difficult time. I am grateful for all that I have: my loving husband, a job, food, and a place to live. I don't have all the answers yet. I'm still feeling anxiety and fear and honestly disbelief, but time and time again, Jesus Christ has shown me the answer. His Holy Spirit has come into my heart and spoken sweet truth to me. I know that I can trust a Father that sent His one and only Son to die for me. A God that breathed life into me and called me by name. I know that I can press on. Even in my fear. Even in my anxiety. And even in my disbelief. I can freely read the Word of God, do and trust what it says, and experience peace. If you need prayer, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I would love to pray with you. We are all experiencing different feelings about this pandemic, and I want to assure you, and really myself, that this too shall come to pass.
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