Recently I admitted to a serious addiction in my life that has been controlling me for years. It has manipulated my mind and consumed my thoughts for too long. God really broke that in me a little over a month ago when I woke up covered in vomit for who knows what time. Alcohol is and always will be a poison in my life. I’ve spent countless mornings nursering a killer hangover and not knowing what I did the night before. It’s a terrifying feeling really. I’ve been consumed with so much guilt and shame because of it too. I’ve hid my drinking problems from everyone I’ve really cared about especially my Christian friends. I didn’t really think I had a problem. I mean the past two years being away from college has helped but I still longed for a drink, at any occasion and still do. I kept telling myself that because I didn’t drink that often meant that I didn’t have an issue with alcohol. I was wrong. I do have an issue. It was made perfectly clear when I realized that I drink with the main intention to get drunk. In the back of my mind I’m continually thinking about drinking more. I kept telling myself that I’ll only have one then I have 10 and act like it’s no big deal. God really shook me up a few months ago when I realized I drink when I’m depressed and wanting to fill a void in my life. When I first tasted alcohol, I liked it. I’ve always enjoyed it but have never been able to control it. When you have an addiction to something no matter how much you don’t want to do it your mind is constantly thinking about it. Having to admit something like this to myself was one of the hardest I’ve had to do in my life. I’ve watched so many family members struggle with drug and alcohol addiction I never thought I would. Here I am after a month of not having a drop and pouring out all the alcohol in my house feeling pretty free. Not completely free, though. I still think about alcohol quite often but I have fought the urge to drink. The Lord is good and I’m thankful to admit that I have an issue but I won’t give in to temptation. God is the strength in my life, helping me battle all of the temptations of this world. I pray He does the same in your life. There are too many temptations to count, I’m afraid.
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